3♥️ The "Change your perspective, change the conflict" approach

Every leader faces conflict. It can arise from personality clashes, disagreements on strategy, or misunderstandings about expectations. But it's especially tricky when the conflict involves a valuable team member who's just not on the same page.

Problem or Challenge

Business leaders often get caught in a trap when conflict arises. Let's say you have a high performer who consistently pushes back on your direction. They might be challenging processes, missing deadlines, or simply communicating poorly. We see someone behaving in a way we don't like, and our initial reaction is to address their actions directly. This can lead to a cycle of negativity, with them responding poorly to our frustration, further escalating the situation potentially hindering productivity and damaging morale.

Complexity

The challenge lies in managing your own reaction. You can't directly control someone else's thoughts or actions. But you can control how you interpret their behavior and how you respond.

Solution: The Denny Model

The Denny Model, developed by NEil Denny, a conflict resolution expert, offers a powerful framework for managing conflict. It's all about reframing your perspective.

See a square with four corners representing different stages of a conflict cycle:

1. What They Do or Say (Top Left): This is the initial trigger, the action or statement that sparks the conflict.

2. What We Hear or Think (Top Right): This is your interpretation of their words or actions. It's heavily influenced by your own biases and past experiences.

3. What We Do or Say (Bottom Right): This is your reaction, your response to their behavior based on your interpretation.

4. What They Hear or Think (Bottom Left): This is how they perceive your response, which in turn influences their next action (back to step 1).

The key insight is that the only part of the cycle you can directly control is the right-hand side: your interpretation and your response.

We can't control their actions (top left) or their thoughts (top right), but we can control how we interpret them (top right) and how we respond (bottom right).

Benefits

By consciously changing your perspective, you can break the cycle and create a more positive outcome. Here's how:

• Reduced Conflict: Instead of assuming negativity, consider alternative explanations for their behavior. Maybe they genuinely don't understand or lack the necessary skills.

• Improved Communication: Shifting your mindset allows for a more supportive and helpful approach. You'll be more likely to use constructive language and a calmer tone.

• Stronger Relationships: By approaching conflict with empathy and understanding, you foster trust and collaboration within your team.

Why it Works

People respond better to positive reinforcement than criticism. When you approach them with a helping hand instead of a raised voice, they're more likely to be receptive and open to changing their behavior.

Measurement

The impact of this approach can be measured by:

• Improved Employee Morale: Are your employees happier and more engaged?

• Reduced Conflict: Are there fewer disagreements and disruptions in the workplace?

• Increased Productivity: Is your team working more efficiently and achieving better results?

My Story, Sources and References

I wish I’d understood this simple but powerful model much earlier in my career. It was introduced to me by Neil Denny, a divorce lawyer who spoke for me at MD2MD.  For some reasons unknown to me Neil seems to have developed a hobby of sharing some extremely valuable conflict resolution thoughts with business leaders.  I guess they come from his day job, but they are certainly equally applicable to business.